it’s okay.
Today I come to you as none other than Sara Rodriguez. Bearing nothing but pure raw realness in hopes of feeling lighter after writing.
If you know me through Instagram I’m sure you’ve noticed my constant traveling, cool new videos and me carrying on with life per usual. But what you don’t see is the other 90% of my ACTUAL life.
The tears, the family issues, the hopelessness, the lack of motivation, the constant self-criticism, the desire for a genuine romantic and/or platonic love, and just overall feeling of not knowing where I belong or what my purpose is.
Instead, you see my cheesy ass selfies, giving back to the community, friends, nights out, traveling… yet all that is is a band-aid.
Today I noticed the stickiness starting to bleed around the edges of this bandaid which is the #1 sign it’s time to take it off and air it out.
So here I am about to air it all out. I think it’s time to just come clean about who I am and what I’m currently struggling with. In hope, this will be the beginning of a new journey in reaching mental clarity.
No more covering up my sadness with trips and nights out. Although that will continue, I want it to be a celebration and reward for the things I have promised myself and fully executed to my fullest potential.
In other words, this blog.
I GAVE UP.
Not fully (thank God), but for a while, I didn’t even want to look at it.
I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing, I didn’t feel confident in the storyline I was creating, and I wasn’t sure if I was even doing it for me; so I stopped…
I wanted to take some time to figure out what I wanted this blog to be. Who do I want to target, what do I want it to be about, and the biggest question, am I even doing this for me? Is it helping me release stress or is it creating it? Am I concluding every blog post with a message? How consistent do I want to be? Do I want to make this a hustle or a strictly creative outlet?
I haven’t answered all of those questions just yet, but that’s okay.
AND THAT is the message.
It is OKAY.
Just be.
Let go of the control.
It’ll work out exactly how it’s meant to.
BIG you.
You’re all grown up now. Ready to find love outside of your parents/grandparents hugs and kisses. Although those were nice, grown-up kisses are much more fun lolll.
(Sorry mom and dad 😬)
Now, huge question.
Maybe a couple…
How do I do this????
Am I doing this right??
How do I properly portray my availability?
How do I find that certain someone??
How do I know they’re right for me…?
Yeah…
I have no idea lol.
Definitely food for thought though lol.
So, let’s eat.
How do you do this?
Be yourself.
Cliche I know, but it’s not one of the most famous quotes for no reason.
Are you doing it right?
If you’re genuinely being yourself, yes.
Stay true to your weirdest self.
You’ll thank you later.
How do you properly portray your availability?
By openly communicating whether you are/are not available.
How do you find that certain someone?
Don’t look.
How do you know they’re the one?
You’ll know.
How will you know? You ask?
Remember that person from your childhood?
(Yup that person you just thought of.)
Who gave you the best of memories.
Proved their love through action and understanding?
Made you understand what love even meant?
It’ll feel ALMOST as good as that.
When you get that slight feeling of deja vu,
THAT’S when you know you’re home.
Little you.
Picture this:
Little you, sitting in front of the television, snack in hand, VCR turned on, mind completely open.
Ready to absorb everything the world has to offer.
The ABC’S, 1 2 3’s, fruits, vegetables, and most excitingly, love.
They say if you don’t experience love within your first 7 years of living, it’s nearly impossible for you to ever understand the feeling. Within your first 7 years, everything you see, hear, and feel is ultimately what shapes you into the person you become. In your first 7 years, you are your most vulnerable.
So, where were you?
Playing outside with friends?
Sitting inside watching movies?
Hanging out with your parents/siblings/cousins?
Were you shown love and affection?
Did you feel neglected?
Unheard?
Maybe, paid too much attention to where you felt smothered?
This is my favorite lol:
Did your parents sit there and CONFIDENTLY say you were the prettiest/most handsome in all the world? Still curious to whom my mom was telling the truth to… Me or Becca lol.
Use all these questions as your guide. Take some time out of your busy day to come closer to who you really are. Open up to that inner child that had no choice but to be open in order to understand the world. Remind them that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not understand because at whatever age you’re at right now, you STILL don’t. Tell them NO ONE loves them as much as you do. You’re always going to be here for them. Tell them how proud you are, in case they didn’t hear it enough. Lastly… this time, YOU tell them they’re the prettiest/most handsome in all the world.
I promise you, YOU’RE the person they need to hear it from the most.
I love you darlin.
I know this post wasn’t easy to read. It was just as hard for me to write.
So here’s a cliche quote to guide us through to our next conversation.
“Love is patient, love is kind.” Corinthians 13:4-7
So be patient. Be kind.
Little you will thank you <3
Reality
Picture this:
Little you, sitting in front of the television, snack in hand, VCR turned on,
Actually… I’m not going to finish the story I was about to begin.
ISSA REMIX
I began writing the beginning of this post a few days prior, which I am continuing now.
The reality is fantasies aren’t reality.
We were brought up on stories like Cinderella and Prince Charming, Mulan and Shang, Ariel and Eric, Snow White and whatever boul she ended up with.
Fairytale:
-a children's story about magical and imaginary beings and lands.
-a fabricated story, especially one intended to deceive.
We ALL, at one point in our lives, imagine ourselves in such a scenario.
Yet the sad reality is… we’re never going to be saved by that perfect specimen, perfectly designed for us.
We’ve become so obsessed with our own idea of the perfect partner, that we’re not even ready to be the perfect partner ourselves.
We take all of our time chasing this idea, we forget to put in the effort to better ourselves. Love ourselves. FIND OURSELVES.
But not this time.
This time we’re going to do it right.
Why this time?
Because we’re wiser and much more deserving.
Experience comes from failure and success comes from experience. - Debasish Mridha
Destined to be a great day :)
For those who don’t know me personally; my sister and I have been obsessed with even numbers since we were children.
Everything from the volume on the tv, in the car, kisses, emojis, etc. Anything including numbers: IT MUST BE EVEN. PERIOD.
My favorite number since forever has been the number 2. It was my number in every sport I played since I was 4 years old. Plus it’s the very first even number. I just love that number 🌚
Finally getting to the point… I write this blog on January 2nd, 2022. The SECOND day of 2022!
Today was therapeutic asf.
Had the day off after working all through the holidays and I was on a MISSION to reorganize myself. For the past 2 weeks, I have been ON THE MOVEEEE BABYYY. Working, running errands, seeing friends, more work, sleeping when I can, to get up and do it all over again.
Absolutely no complaints. I personally need to stay occupied.
In doing that, I have been completely neglecting my space.
I would come home so exhausted, hanging up my jacket felt like too much work. So you can use your imagination to picture my room.
My constant suggestion to people is to clean their room because it is a pure reflection of yourself and the state you’re in.
So today, a bitch had TIME lol. I made sure of it.
In working my ass off, I deserve a beautiful clean space to come home to. Where I walk in, take off my shoes, and relax, rather than having yet ANOTHER thing to stress about.
So today I went to Marshalls/HomeGoods & Target (and had a little too much fun lol)(ion care ion care).
Got a new bed set. Which I love to do every so often. I love the new aura it brings to your room. Got some new undies (Calvin Klein!! PLAY WITH ME LOLL). And a whole bunch of new goodies in order to throw out some old clutter and welcome the new. 🤍
Moral of the story, clean your room!
Do your laundry.
Throw out them clothes you know you haven’t touched and DONATE THEM.
Reorganize your drawers/closet.
Take out your trash.
And clean your mirror so you can see yo sexy ass in full focus. 😉
Till next time.
Hopefully by then your room will be all clean and we’ll be chatting as you’re relaxing.
I love you.
Sheeeitttt, now I’m excited to see what 2/2/2022 brings :P
Christmas eve <3
Tomorrow is my favorite day of the year.
The day we eat, see family, spread love and joy, and my family personally gives thanks to the man upstairs.
This year I have given myself an early Christmas gift.
The gift of expression; my blog.
I’ve always sought creative outlets in all aspects of my life. Whether it be through a makeup look, a hairstyle, a haircut, rearranging my room, or filling my IG with pictures of walls that spoke to me. With those random walls, I would write extremely long captions, that some people hate and never care to read, but I LOVE. Lolllll
After about 80 long captions later, it dawned on me…
Why not start a blog?
Where I can say whatever I want. Talk however much I want and those who want to hear it, will listen;
or read, you know what I meant lol.
They will follow me just ONE more click away, and those will be my people.
So if you are reading this, thank you.
For supporting my dreams, being a good listener, but most importantly being my frand. <3
You are my favorite gift.
&
I love you so much.
(Never forget it)
I been dranking
I’m writing this at 11:57 pm 1/8/21.
Currently watching “The Proposal”
Tonight’s topic: love.
First thought that invades my mind;
This. Shit. Sucks.
Love is unpredictable. Exhilarating. Confusing. Passionate. Heartbreaking. Soothing. Jealous. Comforting; ETC, ETC!!!!!!!!
But my favorite, warm.
Love every so often makes you sit back and ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing?” lol
Who am I?
What do I want?
Who is this person?
What do THEY want? From me? From life?
Are they my happily ever after?
Let’s be real, who doesn’t want a happily ever after?
Where they chase you down and confess their love when you try to run away.
In their confession, they tell you every little detail of who you are and all the things they love about you.
Things you never even thought they noticed…
It’s not wrong for us to grow up fantasizing about all of that. That’s what we were programmed to believe “true love” is.
We’re all searching for our true love.
I don’t even know if I’m qualified to be giving this advice considering I’m single AF. Pero, imma do it anyway lol.
I am not here to tell you who that person is, because everyone’s ideal true love is completely different from one another.
BUT, what I can tell you is, you won’t need to try.
They will get along with your family, without your meddling. If not, that has to be something you’re truly okay with.
The thought of them will bring the cheesiest smile to your face because they’re always associated with good times.
You will believe in the same things, if not RESPECT each other’s beliefs.
All boundaries will be honored without a fight. If there is a fight… Babyyy, kiss that hoe ba-bye. They do not respect you.
They will inspire you; push you (gently or rough, whatever you like lol).
Intentions will never be in question because they will always be clear.
There won’t be a thing you would change about them or the circumstances, because it just fits like a glove.
The energy will always be constructive and encouraging never dull and dismissive.
You will never feel alone because their reliability speaks for itself.
Efforts WILL be made, not just when it’s convenient for them, but always.
Lastly… you will never have to beg for their love. If they want to, they will. Actions tell you everything you need to know.
There will be no “fixing”.
No expectations.
Just PURE happiness.
Not the kind you have to constantly convince yourself of.
Not the fantasy you dream.
But what is RIGHT in front of you.
If you can look at them and see the rest of your valuable life with them; geeked out the whole way through…
That’s the one.
Life just happens…
There is nothing you can do to keep life from riding its own wave.
There is nothing you can do to make it go your way.
You go the way it wants you to and that’s just that.
The choice is yours; You can go with the flow or the flow is going to take you.
Step one: Let tf go.
Let go of the idea that you know what you’re doing. You don’t, AND THAT’S OKAY!
I promise you, none of us know what we’re doing. I don’t even think we’re meant to…
Step two: Whooo carrreeessssss!!!!
Who cares wtf ANYONE thinks. You are the only person that will be lying in your death bed. So f*ck what anyone has to say! If they are trying to bring you down, they are not your friend, they are selfish. Maybe it’s time you learned a thing or two and did the same!
Not drag people down, obviously, (because karma’s a b*tch and we spread nothing but love and positivity in these parts).
But BE SELFISH and DO YOU !!!!!!
*inserts shrug emoji*
Step three: Who are you?
(That escalated quickly lol)
Allow me to ease the tension.
You know who you are. Sometimes you may think you don’t, but you do. You were there. From the second you were born until now. You had your own perspective the moment you opened your eyes for the first time.
Own it.
Step four: Just do it!
Yes, like Nike lol. You’ll never know what is out there/what is for you if you don’t try. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity of a lifetime because you were “scared”. You ain’t no bitch.
And if you are… get out.
Jk lollll.
You’ve gotten this far. Give yourself some credit and KEEP GOING.
Step five: (MOST IMPORTANT STEP)
Say “I love you.”
(Yes, to yourself.)
EVERYDAY.
And MEAN IT.
Still doing it.
Sleep really hits different when you just lived a day full of purpose. Knowing you DID what you had to do. Took fear by the ass, made it your BEACH, and got one little step closer to the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Today’s motive:
Take a leap of faith.
FAITH; complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
You are that someone. (If not, that is something we finna work on BABBYYYYY)
Now, what is your something?
What is your dream?
The life you think is so far out of reach?
That thing that a special someone told you was beyond unrealistic.
The thing (you think) you don’t have the financial resources to achieve.
That thing that makes you smile with gums.
That thing that gives you butterflies and you’re not sure if it’s nerves or excitement.
(Both are a good sign)
What is it that will make you look back on life when you are old and wrinkly and say
“I DID IT.”?
I’m sure by now you have at least ONE thing in your head.
Now, what are you actually doing on a daily basis to achieve that thing?
Do you remind yourself of this dream every day? Do YOU believe you can do it?
Are you hearing that special someone’s voice over your own?
Are you hustling your ass off and putting money aside for that dream?
Are you practicing that dream every day?
Faith is obviously a mental/emotional thing, but most importantly, it’s a consistent thing.
Faith takes practice, integrity, and will.
Do you have faith in yourself?
In THAT DREAM?
Faith is not perfected overnight. But it grows stronger and stronger every day when you prove, you actually want it.
I’m scared, but not scared enough.
I’m scared; to turn a new leaf.
To become the woman I always dreamt of becoming.
To genuinely believe, I can do it.
Growing up I always acted like I was a star. So much to the point my parents tried to nickname me “Hollywood”.
It never stuck, but they tried lol.
There was just always a bad bitch inside of me craving to come out and strut her stuff.
She wanted recognition.
She wanted external love to confirm every thought she created in her mind. That she WAS (is) THAT BITCH.
She wanted the world in her hands.
She wanted support in every dream she had (she had many).
Sadly, things don’t always work out the way you envisioned. She ran into detours, traffic jams, and people that wanted no good for her.
She cried. Anxiety entered the chat. Most of the time she just smiled to hide the pain.
She realized her presence carried weight and people were watching.
She felt pressure.
She thought those people were staring out of judgment.
Waiting for her to fail.
But today, she realizes they were only waiting for her to see what they saw the entire time.
Everything she wanted, she had.
She just didn’t believe it.
Today, she is still broken. She still cries and has emotional breakdowns; more often than she'd like to admit lol.
She still wants recognition, reassurance, and support. She still wants to at least ATTEMPT every little dream she’s dreamt.
So here it is.
A dream that has come to fruition.
My blog.
My own space to think and feel HOWEVER I so please, while welcoming you to do the same :)
I just KNOW my old English teachers are going to be GAGGED lolll.
“Sara? Rodriguez? A blogger?”
YUP. And this time I’m doing it my way.
*Insert tongue out and going crazy emoji*
Starting something…
I have no idea what I’m doing… but here goes nothing.
My name is Sara Raquel Rockstar Rodriguez and this is my blog :P
As I write this; my “blog” is absolutely nonexistent. LMAO
I don’t know how blogging works but I guess that’s the fun part lol. I’m going to figure it out as I go. Which is pretty much how I live my life. I don’t know where life is taking me, but I know I’ll ultimately end up where I belong.
People constantly ask me “How are you so happy all the time?”
Not gonna lie, never really know how to respond; because I’m not lol.
I cry, I get angry, frustrated, confused, overwhelmed, discouraged, and flat out sad. The one thing I don’t do is give up because there’s always going to be a way. And I will find it because I want to.
I’m quite the curious gal lol.
I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to others because they are living a completely different life. They have endured things I have not and maybe never will. So who am I to compare apples to jean jackets?
The only thing I can do is stay positive, stay focused, and stay passionate.
Passion.
I think that’s my answer.
I stay “happy” because I’m passionate.
Imagine a life without passion…
Almost seems purposeless.
What is a life without purpose?
Shit, what is anything without purpose?
Lmaoo, ya know what’s funny?
I had no idea where I was going with this entire thing, but I trusted the process. Kept writing, stayed positive, stayed passionate, and boom. Heres the message.
Things always come full circle.
Trust yourself and every decision you make in this life. No one knows you better than you.
And that’s on…
PERIODT!!!!!
I have a good feeling about this.
Come back soon?
K good :)
I love you!!!!!
Stay happy, stay smiling, and most importantly… STAY SEXYYYYYYYY.
You got this. I believe in you.
But most importantly, believe in yourself.