I’m scared, but not scared enough.

I’m scared; to turn a new leaf.

To become the woman I always dreamt of becoming. 
To genuinely believe, I can do it.

Growing up I always acted like I was a star. So much to the point my parents tried to nickname me “Hollywood”.
It never stuck, but they tried lol.

There was just always a bad bitch inside of me craving to come out and strut her stuff. 

She wanted recognition.

She wanted external love to confirm every thought she created in her mind. That she WAS (is) THAT BITCH.

She wanted the world in her hands. 

She wanted support in every dream she had (she had many).

Sadly, things don’t always work out the way you envisioned. She ran into detours, traffic jams, and people that wanted no good for her.

She cried. Anxiety entered the chat. Most of the time she just smiled to hide the pain. 
She realized her presence carried weight and people were watching.

She felt pressure.
She thought those people were staring out of judgment.
Waiting for her to fail.

But today, she realizes they were only waiting for her to see what they saw the entire time. 
Everything she wanted, she had. 

She just didn’t believe it.

Today, she is still broken. She still cries and has emotional breakdowns; more often than she'd like to admit lol. 

She still wants recognition, reassurance, and support. She still wants to at least ATTEMPT every little dream she’s dreamt. 

So here it is.
A dream that has come to fruition.

My blog.

My own space to think and feel HOWEVER I so please, while welcoming you to do the same :)

I just KNOW my old English teachers are going to be GAGGED lolll.

“Sara? Rodriguez? A blogger?”

YUP. And this time I’m doing it my way.

*Insert tongue out and going crazy emoji*